I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up under a house in Key West
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
