Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.