dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention