so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
