Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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