what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
