Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.