She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants