Pants 0. Shit 1.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am