After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.