Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit