I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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