I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
