did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
