I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize