it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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