Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
