the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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