I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
