wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize