proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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