he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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