I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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