Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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