So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
