bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
