Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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