Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
