i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny