when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.