please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.