i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted