as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My pussy is not your playground.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.