Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.