Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck