yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens