In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
did you just send me my own nude
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
