theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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