i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie