I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.