I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.