And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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