she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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