fuck your aforementioned shoe
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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