Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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