i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
