I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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