she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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