Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize