I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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