Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
