Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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