i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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