I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize