you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Let's get the cat blown out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
