just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
