the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
