I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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