I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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