It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
