Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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