you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
