Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.