sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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